Kindred Spirit?
by baby jen
Summary: John is writing a letter to his sister about a special woman in the er. Carbies may want to give this a miss! Is it Deb? Is it Susan? Someone else? You decide!!


Disclaimer: I do not won 'em-i am borrowing them-so don't get mad!!  
  
AN: I have not seen series 8 yet as it has not started yet in the UK-so if I step on any   
toes or something i apologise!! Susan Lewis IS however in the ER in this fic.  
  
Summary: Carter writes a letter to his sister about someone in the er. It's not Abby is all i'm saying  
-you have to tell me who you think it is/ want it to be.  
  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
  
Dear Barb,  
  
Hey, Long time no see. Miss you-when is your next visit home?  
  
I'm doing OK-still clean. It's hard-but everyday it gets a little easier, i guess.  
  
To be honest- I feel ALOT better. At one time it was all I could think about-fighting my  
addiction.  
  
It was the first thing I thought of in the morning-the last at night, and I'd think about   
it all day long. Hell-I even dreamed about it.  
  
But recently -i find my mind on something else, someONE else actually.  
  
I haven't felt this way in so long. Now-her face is the last thing I think about  
at night-and the first in the morning. I hear her beautiful voice in my  
head all day long. And YES-i even dream about her.  
  
She's unlike anyone Iv ever met-yet I've known her for years. Sure she went away for a while  
-but then she came back and all of a sudden it hit me. I mean we were friends before-but   
nowit's likeI'm suddenly realising just how great she is. How special she is-and I can't figure   
out how it didn't hit me before.  
  
I know I told you I had feelings for Abby-but the truth is I was just frustrated  
trying to fight off my addiction and looking for anyone to reach out to. Abby  
was my sponsour so it was only natural i suppose. Anyway-i mistook friendship for love  
-mainly because i so desperately wanted someone to love. Someone to love ME.  
  
I realise that now. Actually-she, this person, was the one who helped me understand  
that.   
  
When I'm with her I feel, a way i havent felt in a long time. I feel...lucky.  
I feel HAPPY.   
  
You know what? I was complaining to her about Abby-I was saying I didnt know what to do.  
So She looked at me and said:  
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬  
"Carter-you don't love Abby. Not *that* way. And in convincing yourself that you do,  
you're turning away from who you are. You're not in love with her-you're just   
grateful towards her because she's helping you through your addiction.   
Aside from that there's nothing to build a real relationship on. Heck-it's like  
you seem to think that the addiction is part of who you are!! Well it's not!!  
It's something that happened to you-for whatever reason-  
and you're beating it and moving on from it. I know Abby helps you deal with it-but there's a   
difference between dealin with it and HIDING behind it!! And that's what you're doing."  
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬  
  
Then she put her hand on my chest and said:  
  
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬  
"You are John Truman Carter. Underneath all the anxiety and the addiction  
you're still JOHN TRUMAN CARTER. By all means battle the addiction, fight it,  
defeat, destroy and deal with it-but DONT....DONT let it DEFINE who you are.  
You are a compassionate, caring and courageous man. The most wonderful man I've ever  
known-THAT's who you are!!   
I know you've been hurt John-but the only way something like the stabbing or the addiction  
can ever really beat you is if it changes the good man that you are!! So stop hiding  
behind Abby, stop hiding behind the addiction and be true to yourself. You don't love Abby.  
You just want to."  
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬  
  
  
Well you know what Barb-it was like she was able to look straight into my heart and soul.  
I really felt like she understood howI was feeling-and I didn't even have to explain it.  
She just knew-she just got it. Like a kindred spirit or something. It's amazing.  
  
Well I don't love Abby-and I don't even want to...anymore. She's been a real friend and I'll  
be always remember her helping me. But I'm in love. With an amazing woman.  
  
  
She can make me laugh, she understands my moods, she lights up a room like sunshine. Her smile is  
as big as her heart-and she just gets me. She hears me.  
  
  
And I think I get her too. She's always come to me when she was troubled. We've always been friends  
really-we've always had some sort of a bond. It just never hit me till now.  
  
It's an indescribable feeling, Barb...wow.  
  
I didn't tell her how I feel though!   
  
What should I do??  
  
I want to tell her-but how, when-wow-I wish you were here, Barb!!  
  
  
  
Will write soon and tell you how it went.  
  
Your loving brother,   
  
John XX 


End file.
